Being Free

Someday

We will forget the hurt

The reasons we cried

Or who caused us pain.

We will finally realize

That the secret of being free

Is not revenge

But letting things unfold in their way….on their own time.

What matters most is not the first

But the last chapter of our lives

Because it will show how we ran the race.

Smile.

Love.

Live.

And believe all over again.

As We Know It

It was a lovely day.

The sun was shining.

There was a nice breeze.

The birds were chirping.

And even a rainbow in the distance came out to play.

But no one knew the growing storm in her heart.

As she fought back the tears.

And tried to steady her already shaking knees.

No amount of sunshine or the laughter that surrounded her that day

could heat up her icy-cold hands.

The world, for her, has already stopped.

It’s Been 2 Years

My last entry was February 2013.

A lot has changed since then.  I’ve been busy with work, family, friends.  Perhaps, in a way, trying to forget the past.  Once in a while I’d think about this journal.  I’d plan to write something.  But then something comes up and I forget.

It’s been like that for 2 years.

In April of 2014 my sister got married.  Exactly one year after she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl….mom’s exact lookalike.  She recalls having dreamt of her sometime August last year.  They were in mom’s bed talking about how life has changed since she passed away.  My sister started crying.

Then mom said, “I have to go now.  I’m bored here”.

“But we miss you.”

“It’s okay.  I always watch over all of you everyday.”

Then she just disappeared.

My sister later learned she was carrying a baby girl.

In November I resigned from my old office and entered the private sector for the first time after 9 years.  It was a big change.  But demanding as it was, it gave me more time to spend with my family.  I don’t know if mom would’ve liked me shifting careers.  I would like to know what she thought.  What she thinks.  If I made the right decision.

About dad, well, he’s been coping in the best way he can.  We gave him a Nexus 7 and Galaxy Tab….and gave him a Facebook account.  It’s what’s keeping him busy these days.  He says he’s semi-retired.  He goes to the Hospital to check on them everyday, still wakes up early for church, then spends most of the day home….with his new grandchild.  We try to go home and visit whenever we can especially during the long weekends.

Life has kept us busy these past 2 years.  It has gifted us with so many new blessings and things to think about and look forward to.  But this will never replace that empty space my mom once occupied.

The Phone Call

Its 10am.

I am at the office.

Every day for 5 years,  mom would call me.  And we’d talk. About work. About how life is.

Then after an hour, we’d say our goodbyes.  And go about our day.

Then this pattern stops.

How do you live with that?

I can’t.

I don’t think I ever will.